Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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