Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
