I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
