if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've blown a few things in my day
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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