But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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