you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
