I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
