Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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