can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
