sarcasm needs its own font
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
