we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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