I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
