i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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