Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize