3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
