Say something about gay babies.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
