there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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