The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
