i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
