i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
