i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
