life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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