i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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