your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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