Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
