he thought i was a dude.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Houston, we have a blender
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
