i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
