can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
