I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
