never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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