I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
