so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
