In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
