Your dad touched me again.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
