Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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