I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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