everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
