he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
