before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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