nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
