Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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