so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
