If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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