There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize