oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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