My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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