We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
