Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
