Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
