I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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