I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
