dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
