My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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