he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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