are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize