try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
