My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My pussy is not your playground.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
