I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
