I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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