it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
