i think my mom watched the whole time
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Actions speak louder than pants.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
