see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
