hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
