I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
