so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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