HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
