Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
