My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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