You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
