I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
