I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I wear drunk well.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize