we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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