ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
